Apr

26

Teach Children About Their Own Self-worth

April 26, 2008 |

The first step in teaching your child about his self-worth is to understand your own self-worth. Put yourself down and think little of yourself, and your child will learn to do the same. If you are constantly saying things about yourself like, “I’m so worthless; I don’t know why I ever thought I could get this fixed,” you will soon hear your child saying the same type of things about himself. Also, similar negative comments from you to your child like, “You’re always messing up,” lower your child’s sense of self-worth. If he starts to believe that he is “always messing up,” then he will be. He will be “messing up” in school; he won’t “know why he ever thought he could pass that test.”

All humans are unique beings with their own looks, personality, and purpose and, therefore, have worth. However, according to the experts, negative words as “stupid,” “idiot,” “nuisance,” and “imbecile” are directed toward most people over 15,000 times before they are out of high school. Such words as these can fill even the strongest personalities with self-doubt after hearing them over and over. But having the inner knowledge that such words are not real evaluations of a person’s worth, that they are spoken in anger or ignorance can keep such words from doing the damage they otherwise can.

Now we have the problem of how to impart such knowledge to our child without leaving the impression that he doesn’t have to listen to anything that anyone says. You must teach your child the difference between corrective instruction or advice and negativity which comes from an internal source in the negative speaker. My son listens to quite a bit of advice from me, but he has also been the recipient of some negative words that came out of my own internal negative feelings. Once I worked sixty miles from home at a job I didn’t particularly like. Most evening I came in eleven hours after leaving in not so great a mood, and I frequently verbally jumped on him using strong negative words for any little thing he said or did. The only positive thing I can say about these occurrences is that I did realize what I was doing and started apologizing after each time it happened, saying something like, “I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything to deserve what I said. I just wasn’t coping with my own problems and took it out on you.”

It didn’t take my having to make too many apologies to my own son before I learned to control my urge to take out my frustrations on him, and he learned the very good lesson that certain types of negative verbal attacks have little to do with him and a whole lot to do with the internal condition of the speaker. Parents can give children this knowledge simply by being honest about the negative words they speak. The child can then transfer that knowledge to other situations with other speakers.

Another thing you can do for your child’s sense of self-worth is let her accomplish things. I’m not talking about winning trophies or winning a UIL competition. Accomplishments that make a person feel good about her self can be very simple things. Let her clean, rearrange, and decorate her bedroom, or build a go-cart, or give the dog a haircut. Then say, “That’s great.” Don’t say, “Your dresser would really look better over here,” or “Maybe the dog groomer can straighten Spot’s hair.” Let her be proud of her job.

Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.” What your child believes she is capable of is what she is capable of. Your child being taught to believe she is a worthwhile, intelligent person is critical to quality of life.

Vickie Adair is the senior technical writer at Media A-Team http://www.mediaateam.com and also publishes as a freelance writer. She writes for several websites such as http://www.houstonmanufacturers.com an online directory and news site for the Houston manufacturing community and http://www.natural-products-directory.com a directory of online business that sell or manufacture organic and/or natural products.

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