May
21
Parents, when faced with the sudden concern of explaining a subject that children have a hard time groping, often retract or just altogether ignore the idea of talking to their children about it. There are many topics that children on different age levels have a hard time understanding: sex, careers, and death. As a parent, your role is to be there when they present the inevitable questions (other people might not answer their questions the way you want them to be explained).
Death, for instance, presents endless questions to the young mind. Thoughts like where their pets go after they are buried, why grandfather has to go to heaven or even cartoon or TV show deaths can be issues that should be fully explained by a parent. Children’s concept of death differs as they move up to different developmental phases. The primary step to explaining the concept of death to them would be to understand what their minds are capable of understanding during certain stages.
May
1
Employing The Art Of The Possible When Mourning The Death Of A Loved One
May 1, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Have you been thinking, “Why am I feeling so empty and without purpose in my life?” Or, “How can I begin to reduce the pain and suffering that has turned my life upside down? Where can I go? What can I do?” These are questions we all face at some time in life, and they do have answers.
The effectiveness of the answers depends on your willingness to extricate yourself from your deep emotional turmoil and the bondage to the deceased. This does not imply in any way that you forget your loved one, because you have to establish a new relationship with him/her. By intensely focusing on the tasks of grief, not on the outcome, you naturally establish the needed relationship.
Apr
12
Why You Are Never Alone, Especially When Mourning
April 12, 2008 | Leave a Comment
The death of a loved one suddenly throws us into a state of mind where we often feel utterly alone, even though we are often surrounded by friends and relatives providing support. This paradox is a direct result of our cultural conditioning to expect certainty in life and the dismissal of the unseen as nothing but wishful thinking.
In reality, the unseen is infinitely more important to inner peace, happiness, and coping with loss than any physical object or amount of money. Love, hope, peace, and a variety of beliefs, for example, are extremely powerful unseen forces that are the real pillars of life and bring meaning to existence.
Apr
8
How To Remember Those Who Have Passed Away And Celebrate The Forgotten Heroes
April 8, 2008 | Leave a Comment
When my husband passed away, my in-laws decided not to have anything to do with me. I was left to cope with my sorrow and sadness as well as the fact that my in-laws buried my husband without my knowledge and only reluctantly let me know where they had actually scattered his ashes.
Apr
6
The call came: “Dad is dead,” is all she said and I found myself weeping and saying over and over again: “Oh, I’m so sorry, so sorry.” I didn’t know then for whom I was expressing that sorrow, but it was spontaneous and genuine. Five days later, I still felt that sorrow and sadness, but now I could identify that it was for my children, their children, and even for myself.
I am sorry that there was so much rancor between us in the end years of our marriage and after the divorce. I am sorry that my children must revisit the place of brokenness and regret once again, in spite of them having put the pain of the divorce behind them (both are now married with children of their own,) I am sorry that my ex-husband left behind a mess for his children to deal with, but I realize that was his way and it is not uncharacteristic that his life ended with so much drama. And the sadness went on, taking many forms.
Mar
25
The Importance Of Knowing
March 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Her hair was disheveled, which was unusual for her. The mini stroke she’d suffered after the sudden death of her longtime friend (right at the breakfast table. Put her head down and BOOM. Transitioned into whatever awaits us upon death with nary a peep) was evident in her slowed speech and inflexible fingers.
“I’m not going to be around much longer”, she informed me. I gently confirmed with a question that she was ready to move on. “Yes”, she said. “But I’ll need a perm first”.
Just the week before, a nurse at the home had expressed his dismay at the process in which the death of residents were, or were not as the case may be, handled. The body removed, the room sanitized a new resident moving in as if the prior occupant never existed.
Mar
23
My Father, In His Deathbed
March 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment
My father bought me a Macintosh computer when I was fifteen years old. The Sears salesman told us that for an extra little 200 dollars we could upgrade with more megahertz to a faster CPU. Dad balked.
“What do you need a fast computer for? You’re not going anywhere!” And he was not joking.
Serious moments like this, where my crinkle-browed Dad could not understand exactly where the world was headed or why, really belied the jolly frivolity that often leapt from the twinkle of his eyes. This man told me once that a glimpse of the footage of President Kennedy’s assassination was enough to make him cry or want to puke his guts out. Yet he often made jokes about being the Fifth Beatle, and sometimes he pretended to cry out in pain after faking having chopped a finger while preparing vegetables for a stew. My friends did not think this funny, nor did I. But they loved him almost like he was their father.
Mar
14
If God Exists, Why Does He Allow Suffering?
March 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment
If God exists, why does he allow suffering? Why does it seem like we cry out to him and he ignores us? Are we being punished for displeasing him? Why do innocent children and good people have bad things happen to them? Why does it seem like suffering always comes in clusters, with one bad thing coming after another? Is there any way to stop the suffering?
I’ve been asked these questions over and over again. There’s a very simple answer but most of the questioners don’t want to hear the truth, they want to blame God or someone else for their suffering. Some people turn to God when they are suffering but most turn away and get angry with God.
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